Still struggling but doing better

I'm still struggling with everything, but I think it's a least getting better. He did email me yesterday saying he wasn't mad at me and that he was sorry he hurt me, and that's not what he wanted. I understand that, and I do forgive him. He's not capable of treating someone in the right way. He even commented when I was dating, saying that he couldn't believe how easy it was for me to get dates. He's just immature. I asked him once if anyone ever asks him when he's going to get married. He said no, nobody ever asks him that. More than likely they don't ask him because they know he wouldn't be a good mate for anyone. Anyway, that isn't the issue. We're not friends anymore, and he already disconnected from me a long time ago emotionally. I have to start thinking differently and do something else when I feel like I want to email him. Pretty soon here I will be getting new court reporting software and that will take up a lot of my time to learn and won't be so distracted. But inside I'm still anxious, and I know that's part of breaking away. I have sent him two sermons. He hasn't said anything to me at all. The problem is that I think of him as a friend. But in reality, he doesn't think I'm a friend at all. That's not friendship. Frienship is mutual. Which is why it's so important to distance myself. Sending CD's is one thing but emailing him is another. One is a God thing, the other is just my flesh. Lord, help me!